On Feeling Burnt Out
This past Friday has concluded the first semester of the school year and while I am relieved at the thought of having somewhat successfully completed half of the year, there is also a tinge of disappointment. Prior to my senior year, I had a lot of pride in the effort that I put in and the things that I involved myself with. I participated in a lot of extracurriculars and an internship on the side, and it would be reasonable to say that these things took up the majority of my time. It was sometimes nice to be busy, though it’s difficult to realize how much of yourself you put into these things without even fully realizing it.
Whether it’s a result of the pandemic or my preexisting mental health or both, I know that I am not doing as much as I used to do, and I’m not doing as well. My recognition of this harsh decline has created an obligation to reexamine the way that I measure my value as a person and through this I have learned that I feel as if what I do is a direct reflection of my worth. Having a fixed schedule gave me that sense of importance that allowed me to equate myself with any kind of value, and without that drive, I have been feeling completely lost. This slow dissolve of my schedule has allowed me to see how our patterns and routines are a much larger part of who we are than I had acknowledged.
I am trying to find truth in the idea that people are not defined by their contributions to the world. While existing has a wide set of expectations, I hope that myself and anyone else who may be feeling similarly can grow to believe that people have everlasting value. You are valuable when you achieve something that you have been working for in the same way that you are valuable when you have hardly enough energy to make it through the day. There is so much weight placed on being important especially when you’re younger and in the “prime years” of your life, but it’s unrealistic to think that your goals are going to be reached steadily.
While my usual formality will definitely return in next month’s article, I wanted to make this a short reflection of my own poor thinking cycles in hopes of reminding someone that it’s okay to feel invaluable at times. My own reevaluation of my worth will ideally provide me with the motivation that I need to get through the remainder of the year. It’s important to use feelings of insignificance as opportunities to collect ourselves and readjust our routines.